fair of speech, and let thy teachers
be dear to thee n thy heart and soul'
A Father's Instruction: The Exeter Book, an anthology of Anglo-Saxon poetry, edited by I. Gollancz. EETS original series Vol. 104, 1895
A Father's Instruction was probably memorised by many little Anglo-Saxons before the Normans landed. This extreme formality between parents and children is echoed in the later books of courtesy. Hugh Rhodes describes how children should behave on meeting parents accidently:
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| Sir Walter Raleigh and his son, 1602. National Trust |
'When that thy parents come in sight
do them reverence
Ask them blessing if they have been long out of presence.'
Hugh Rhodes The boke of Nurture,1577, ed. F.J. Furnivall, Roxburghe Club, 1867
Writers stress the very formal nature of the relationship:
'And, child worship thy father and thy mother
And look that thou grieve neither one nor other...'
Symons Lesson of Wysedome for all Maner Chyldren. MS Bod. 832 leaf 174 in EETS original series Vol. 32
Advice on how to behave with adults is similar:
'If any speak to you, look straight at them and listen well till they have finished, do not chatter or let your eyes wander round the house. Stand till you are told to sit...bow to your lord when you answer. If anyone better than yourself come in, retire and give place to him. Turn your back on no man. Be silent when your lord drinks, not laughing, whispering or joking. If he tells you to sit down do so at once.
The Babees Book.c.1475 ed. F.J. Furnival EETS original series Vol. 32
Letters which survive show a formal relationship between parents and children.There is a charming letter from Edward, Earl of March and Edmund, Earl of Rutland, sons of the Duke of York, aged eleven and twelve, written in 1454, in the middle of the Wars of the Roses, in which Edmund was killed. This concerns their health and schooling. They assure their father that they are both well, then go on:
'Ryght hiegh and myghty Prince, our most worschipfull and greately redoubted lorde and Fader, in as lowely wyse as any sonnes con or may we recomaunde us unto your good lordeschip...please hit youre heighnesse to witte that we have attended owre learnyng sith we come heder, and schall here aftur; by the which we trust to God youre gracious lordeschip and good Faturhode schall be plaised...'
MS Cotton Vespian F xiii fol 35 reprinted in the Paston Letters
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| Mother and Child, c. 1650. Paulus van Somer, National Trust |
'Right worshipful and my most entirely beloved mother, in the most lowly manner I recommend me unto your good motherhood, beseeching you daily and nightly of your motherly blessing, evermore desiring to hear of your welfare and prosperity.'
The Paston Letters, 1422-1509, various editions
The belief that parents should be strict with their children for the child's good is very old. Sirach in the Apocrypha, writing around 180-175 BC, in the Middle East, says:
He that loveth his son will continue to lay strokes upon him,
That he may rejoice over him at the last...
Play with him and he will grieve thee,
Laugh not with him lest he vex thee...
Let him not have freedom in his youth
And overlook not his mischievous acts.
Bow down his neck in his youth
And smite his loins sore while he is little
Lest he become stubborn and rebel against thee...'
Sirach in the Apocrypha and Pseudepigrapha ed. R.H.Charles, 1913
This text is interesting not only for the light it sheds on family life in Israel shortly before the birth of Christ but also because the text was highly regarded by the early Church Fathers, especially St. Jerome and St. Augustine, and consequently had considerable influence on early Christian teaching.
As children's bodies might be shaped with corsets and swaddling, so their characters might be trained:
'Like to the growing plant
which young and tender thou mayst wry and bend
but once a tree and grown to height of strength
no force can make him bow or bend at length.'
Francis Thynne, Emblems and Epigrams c. 1600, ed. F.J. Furnivall, EETS original series Vol. 64, 1876
| Lady Dacre aged 6, Chrysogona Baker, 1579. National Trust |
The old saying 'spare the rod and spoil the child' so often quoted by the Victorians was also a favourite maxim in the Middle Ages and Tudor period. The anonymous author of the popular 15th century work The Book of Curtesy or Stans puer ad mensam advises:
'To their plaints give no credence
A rod reformeth all their isnolence.
In their courage no Rancour doth abide
Who spareth the yard (rod) all virtue set aside.'
The Booke of Curteisie that is Cleped Stans Puer ad Mensam, Lambeth MS 853, c. 1430 EETS original series Vol. 32
William Bulleyn made no pretence that punishment pained him as much as the person punished, nor that he had any hesitation in administering it:
'....if you have any saucy lought or loitering lubber within your house...There is no prettier medecine for this, nor sooner prepared than boxing is. Three or four times well set on, a span long on both cheeks...and every man may practise this, as occasion shall serve him in his family, to reform them.'
William Bulleyn, The Booke of Compoundes, fol. lxviii, 1562, EETS original series vol. 32
It is only fair to add that corporeal punishment was by no means confined to children. Within the family it was the accepted corrective for self-willed wives, as popular literature testifies. Flogging has been a form of judicial punishment since time immemorial and has only recently become unacceptable in the West. It is not in the least surprising that corporeal punishment should have been applied as a corrective to children equally with adults.
e-mail: childhoodblog@gmail.com
Niky Rathbone: nikyrathbone.blogspot.com
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